


Step 3: Profit

by SocialBookWorm



Series: A Different Sort of Binary [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Failed attempts at match making, Featuring Roman the Disaster Gay, Haunted House, In more ways than one, Locked in a closest, Logan who has to corral these idiots, M/M, Office AU, Patton and Virgil not being subtle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialBookWorm/pseuds/SocialBookWorm
Summary: Step 1- Try to set your best friends upStep 2- Fall in love yourselvesStep 3- PROFIT





	Step 3: Profit

**Author's Note:**

> Finally getting this up on Ao3, the fic that started it all XD

Roman was almost certain that Virgil kept taking the projects that he did because they gave him an excuse to call Patton. Afterall, everyone in the office knew when the two were talking. It was _adorable_ , because Virgil couldn’t help but giggle at something that Patton said on the other line and Roman could just lean back and listen to the sound all day.

Any one who could make his best friend smile like that was alright in his book.

It just got _insufferable_ when Virgil gave him such a blank look at all of Roman’s sly comments. The two were practically dating already! True love had arrived at his door! And he refused to grab it! It made Roman want to tear his hair out in frustration. At the rate they were going someone else was going to marry the puffball and Roman would be stuck bailing Logan and Virgil out of jail when they murdered the man.

Which was why he was taking matters into his own hands!

The door to the apartment crashed against the wall and Logan really should have thought twice about giving him that key. Way too late to let the nerd regret it though, Roman was going to make use of it until he thought to change the lock.

“Logan!” he shouted, locking eyes with the figure reading a book on the couch. “This has gone on long enough! I say we set Virgil and Patton up, show them the stars in each others eyes, set them on true love’s path-!”

Logan’s raised eyebrow cut him off.

“And how, pray tell,” Logan asked, “do you know that they even love each other?”

Roman leveled a flat look at him, every inch of his body screaming his disbelief.

“...Point,” Logan conceded. “They are overly affectionate with each other. They display habits when in the other’s vicinity that they don’t elsewhere.”

“And it’s painful to watch!” Roman screeched, flopping down on the couch next to Logan, pressing his shoulder against the other man’s. “I can’t stand it anymore Lo! I will literally _die_ if I have to go another day listening to Virgil fret about worrying Patton. He cooked his own meal. _He used the stove that he swore never to touch_. If that’s not love then I’m blinder than you are!”

“Thanks,” Logan replied dryly, “But even if I did acquiesce to this request, how would you even set about such an endeavor?”

Roman grinned brightly at him, “Why nerd, it’s simple.”

* * *

_Step 1: Get them close and keep them close!_

“You sure it’s this closet, kiddo?” Patton asked, furrowing his brow. Roman grinned nodding, almost frantic as the blue clad man hesitated. He practically shoved the father figure forward, and ignored the, “I’m gonna take that as a yes,” as Patton stumbled into the closet.

Roman shut the door and whirled to lean against the wall just as Virgil and Logan rounded the corner.

“You’re absolutely certain that you can’t get it open?” Virgil asked the manager and Logan nodded, waving at the door. Virgil shrugged, reaching out and tugging the door open. He blinked as it swung easily, and Roman surged forwards, tripping him into the space and slamming the door behind him. He clicked the lock and grinned triumphantly and Logan, whose eyes shone with concealed amusement.

“Whoops!” he shouted, cupping his hands to carry the sound, “Don’t worry guys we’ll get someone from maintenance to get you out of there!”

He ignored the muffled curse that was most certainly from Virgil and wrapped an arm around Logan’s elbow. “Three hours?” he suggested playfully.

“You do owe me a game of chess,” Logan agreed, adjusting his glasses as they walked off.

(Roman let out a frustrated shriek when they saw the other two later, Patton smoothing out his cardigan and his hands waving excitedly as he babbled about Virgil picking the lock. Virgil trailed behind him with a soft grin, and tugging his shirt up to cover his neck as he cut in with something about how it wasn’t _that_ impressive.

 _Step 1: Failure_ )

* * *

_Step 2: Physical contact!!_

Roman locked eyes with Logan, and the manager nodded with a suppressed smile. Roman bounced on the balls of his feet and called out.

“Hey! Dark and Dank!” Roman called out slinging an arm around Virgil’s shoulders. The graphic designer raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t shrug the arm off which was miles above the start of their friendship.

“Come to get me locked in another closet?” Virgil asked dryly, and Roman pouted.

“That was an accident,” he protested, “I would never lock you up somewhere horrible like that!”

Virgil made a disbelieving hum before his eyes lit up, and Roman knew that the target was in sight. Virge’s face only got that bright when Patton was in the area and that alone made what they were planning worth it. Roman _needed_ the pining to end, for his own sake if nothing else. But he was an amazing friend so it was for Virgil too.

“Salutations,” Logan greeted from where he had waved Patton over. Roman steered Virgil into the optimal position, ready for the moment that he got his ship together and optimal blackmail in the same moment.

“Yo,” Virgil greated with a flop of his wrist and Roman flicked his foot out, crossing it in front of Virgil’s to trip him. He smirked as the other man went toppoling forwards, right towards Patton’s arms.

Only, he didn’t expect for Virgil’s hand to snap out and grab his arm in support, dragging him forward and off balance as well.

The world righted itself and he blinked down at Logan’s face, feeling a heat creep up his neck at how close they were. He let out an awkward laugh and heaved himself up, trying not to think about the position that they were in. He offered Logan a hand, and the manager coughed as he straightened his tie.

Patton giggled, and Roman snapped back to what they were doing, head snapping to the other two. Virgil scratched at his cheek, but there was no blush in sight and Roman wanted to scream.

_Step 2: Failed_

* * *

_Step 3: A lunch with just the two of them!!_

Roman tugged the hat lower over his face, and tried not to stare at Logan instead of their targets. Patton was glancing at his phone saying something about a last minute cancel from Logan, and Roman knew that Virgil had a similar text from him.

This one would work! He was certain!

So certain that he had gone all out on his disguise and used the chance to put on a sundress that he had been dying to wear forever. He smirked, crossing his legs and shoving his sunglasses up n his face so that he could tile the brim of his hat back to watch Patton and Virgil interact. Any moment the two would have that moment, the one where they joked about it being a date and things could really get started.

Patton threw his head back at something that Virgil said, his laughter ringing out through the street. Virgil’s smirk turned into a dopey grin that Roman refused to admit had been on his own face before and Roman almost wanted to shake them if it wouldn’t mess up the plan.

“Just confess you idiots,” he muttered under his breath, turning to Logan, because sass was always more fun with a friend. Logan’s eyes snapped away from him and Roman raised an eyebrow. A smirk crossed his face and he leaned back tilted his head as he leaned back so the ribbon around his waist was highlighted. “Like what you see, nerd?”

Logan flushed, and Roman’s smirk turned into a grin and he looked over his sunglasses to waggle his eyes at the manager.

“Perhaps,” Logan snarked back, “After all, the weather today is wonderfully clear. Who wouldn’t admire the view that it brings of the sky.”

“Ooooh,” Roman propped his chin up with his hand, “You think I’m the sky now.”

“I said no such thing.”

“You implied it,” Roman singsonged, “Does that make you the clouds that are always by the sky’s side?”

Logan’s face turned an even deeper read and he couched, adjusting his glasses. “Logically, clouds are always separate from the sky, depending on what section of the atmospheres you are talking about.”

Roman leaned forward, meeting Logan’s eyes. “Does it have to be though?”

Logan’s mouth opened and then closed again, gaping like a fish, and Roman felt the grin on his face turn soft and dopey. He wanted to reach out and nudge Logan’s mouth closed. Logan coughed again, and pointed stiffly towards the table they were supposed to be watching.

“It seems that while our attentions were occupied,” Logan said, refusing to meet his eyes. “That our ‘targets’ have moved on.”

“Wait what,” Roman whirled in his chair and cursed at the empty table.

Patton met them at work, babbling about ice cream and Virgil, and Roman wanted to slam his head against his desk. No mention of a date anywhere in the mess of Patton’s words, which meant the whole thing had been a waste of time. Or almost full waste, if he thought about Logan’s compliment.

Though he did wonder why Patton had mint ice cream on his face, when Roman knew for a fact that the bubbly coder prefered chocolate. Wasn’t mint what Virgil normally got?

_Step 3: Failed_

* * *

_Step 4:_ _Haunted houses bred romance!_

“I really don’t think this will work the way you think it will,” Logan said dryly as Roman dragged him enthusiastically towards the darkened house.

“Nonsense!” Roman cried, “Patton will do a frighten, leap into Virgil’s arms and then they will stare lovingly into each other's eyes, realizing that they were made for each other-”

“‘Do a frighten’?” Logan cut in, his tone dubious. “You do know what Patton watches in his free time right?”

Roman waved the thought away with his free hand. “Cartoons of course! He’s a small sweet puff ball, the smallest jump scare will send him running to Virge.”

“You are not as smart as you think you are,” Logan said dryly.

“Of course not,” Roman chirped, “That’s what I have you for!”

He smirked, eyes lighting up as Logan’s face flushed again. The manager twisted out of his grip and hurried past him with a muttered comment about how they were losing Patton and Virgil again. Roman sauntered after him, and didn’t mention how he had his own plans for the haunted house as well.

They entered together, trying to keep a conspicuous distance between themselves and the ‘not a couple’ in front of them. Patton had wrapped his arm around Virgil’s wrist chattering excitedly into the graphic designer’s ear. They turned a corner and Roman grinned, reaching out to grab Logan’s arm.

“Aaaaany moment now,” he whispered, leaning into Logan’s space. They held their breath, slowing down in anticipation.

Something moved in the corner of Roman’s eye, and he screamed, flinching back into Logan’s space. Who in turned, screamed at something he saw, clinging back into Roman’s hold. Roman bolted forward, sweeping Logan off his feet and darting off with him. He barely noticed passing the cackling Patton and nervous Virgil as he sprinted for the exit.

He paused in the cool night air, panting before he flushed in embarrassment. That. Was not supposed to happen!

“What sort of haunted house did you pick out?!” He screeched, and Logan whacked his chest.

“Patton legitimately finds entertainment from horror movies, as you would know if you had listened to me earlier,” Logan pointed out, “So I found the best haunted house in the area seeing as you specified _Patton_ being the one frightened.”

Roman’s mouth dropped a quiet ‘oh’ of understanding.

“Wait,” he protested, “Patton? The same Patton that cries over snakes because they don’t have arms?”

“There’s a reason I don’t room with him,” Logan said flatly.

“Ah,” Roman pondered, and the froze, realizing that Logan was still in his arms. Watching Logan’s face fade from pale to tomato red was a treat when he realized the same, and it took an awkward moment of shuffling and straightening their clothes before they righted themselves.

“Hey kiddos!” Patton called out, looked even more enthused than he had been when he had entered. Virgil gripped his hand with a white knuckled grip, and Roman bite back a grin. Success! Maybe. “You certainly s- _booked_ it outta there!”

“Patton, no,” Logan groaned, and ignored Virgil’s muttered, “Patton, yes.”

_Step 4: Sorta success?_

* * *

_Step 5: Get them out on an actual date!_

The movie theatre was practically empty, which Roman almost squealed at. The perfect romantic atmosphere, with the steps forward that they had already made, if the two love birds didn’t walk out tonight as boyfriends Roman was going to eat his hat. Not that he had one, but he’d get one.

He cackled, spinning around with his arms out, and felt his chest melt at the look in Logan’s eyes at the action.

“Are you ready to set up true love tonight?” Roman crowed, stepping closer. Logan raised an eyebrow, and glanced down at the paper they had come up with.

“I assumed we had another four steps?” he asked.

“Pfffft,” Roman bounced on the balls of his heels, “I have a good feeling for tonight!”

Logan’s grin was soft as he asked, “Don’t you always?”

And really, after a week of spending constant time with each other Roman didn’t think he could be held accountable for his actions. He leaned in and grinned back at Logan. He took Logan's hand and kissed his knuckles, delighting in the noise that escaped Logan’s mouth.

“May I kiss you?” he breathed.

“Oh god finally,” Logan blurted and gripped his collar to drag him forward into a bruising kiss.

_Step 5: Needs to be repeated, whoops_

* * *

Patton giggled, tucking himself into Virgil’s side.

“Think they’re going to notice that we never showed?” he asked, handing a mug to his boyfriend.

“Seeing as they never noticed that we started dating months ago,” Virgil said dryly, accepting the hot cocoa and hooking his chin over Patton’s head, “I’m going to say no.”

“Awwww but playing along with Roman’s plans was fun!” Patton protested cheerfully.

“You do realize that I had to wear concealer on my neck for a week after that incident in the closet,” Virgil muttered, before his eyes softened and he pressed a kiss to his boyfriends scalp. “But I did have fun. And now they’ll finally get over their stupid pining.”

“Good,” Patton said with a smirk, “Now, Steven universe?”


End file.
